Progress

Friday Favorites will return next week... promise.

Last night, I was at the gym. I'm there four nights a week. Me and the meat heads are there four nights a week. They groan and throw weights. I tell them to knock it off. It's a happy relationship, really.

Anywho, I focused on back and biceps last night. Tonight will be legs. Saturday will be triceps/chest/shoulders. Two nights a week I do legs. Two nights a week, I break up upper body. Do you know what I love about working out? Getting stronger. Physically and mentally and emotionally. I love that I am getting stronger. I love that I am increasing weight and that my mind is forcing my body to do things that it just wants to give up on.

Last night, as I looked at this picture, I wondered what my heart and my brain must look like if this is what my biceps look like. They must getting so strong, too. They must LOOK different, I thought. They sure feel different. They feel so strong. They feel so much more healthy. They feel so much more aware. They feel so much more vocal, too!

This weekend, we will be in Sandy to watch Conference with Nana and Pops. I'll slip out to have lunch with someone, and then I'll be back to love on that Nana and spend time with my boys. We will pray for something specific that we need answers to, and then we will listen for the answer. I have zero doubt that it will come.

So Proud!

The guys framed me in the very big machine. And, they noted that I am the Operator of the Year.

Just saying.

Baby Asher is Growing!

Baby Asher is growing so big! He has gained two pounds and has grown two inches. Is he not the sweetest little angel baby of all time!?

Auntie and cousins have been so sick, so we haven't gone over to love on him. Tomorrow, his other grandma and aunties get to go love on him. But next weekend, I'll spend a night with him and soak it up!!!

Nana Update

Nana had her second round, of three, of chemo yesterday. She is so amazing! Her bone pain and neuropathy have been rough, but she remains so courageous and so happy despite the challenges that are monumental! She is so eager to go back to work soon. May 1st is the goal date for her to go back to her job.

Pops continues to be such an amazing partner to Nana. He is so good to her. He always makes sure she is comfortable and laughing. Any chance he gets, he makes sure she is laughing. He continues to go and teach Nursery every Sunday, while she rests. She hasn't missed any of her appointments and just takes such good care of her!

We love her so much!! We are so proud of her!!

Bert Baby

Bert works on Temple Square each week. The elderly ladies there call him, "Bert Baby." He hates that. Like, a lot. So, Kaydon calls him that too!

Kaydon took this picture of Bert last week. It is pretty much perfect!

Bert and Kaydon are planning a summer road trip! They are going to Nauvoo. Kaydon is pretty dang excited about that!

These two have been such a blessing to each other. Bert has never married, but adopted a son years and years ago. His son is now grown, married, and the father of four grown children. Bert works with antiques, and always has. He is extremely knowledgable and talented! Kaydon likes to learn about the antiques and go to different stores with him to see them.

Kaydon told Bert that he wants to earn his own money to buy a computer, so Bert has lined up lots of jobs for Kaydon to do to earn that money.

Kaydon and Bert love to go get discount donuts on Tuesday nights from the local grocery store. They also like to go to the DI.

Bert has been such a blessing to our family, and especially to KK. We sure love that Bert Baby!!

Friday Favorites - It's Friday

The fact that it is Friday and the beginning of the weekend is my Friday Favorite today. I know, no super duper ideas on stuff, no recipes, no clever suggestions -- just the fact that it's Friday is my favorite.

Tomorrow night is the General Women's broadcast, or the beginning of General Conference. It is amazing to sit and listen to those chosen speak to us, as women. It is humbling and inspiring. I have learned to pray before watching, or reading, the words spoken. I often pray that through their words, I will feel (really FEEL) the love that my Heavenly Father has for me and my children. I will be praying for that again this weekend.

I Said Yes

This 17 year old boy of mine asked me on a date. I said yes. Duh!

When I got home yesterday, he said that as soon as I was ready, we'd go. I was ready! He drove me to Tepanyaki! People! This boy of mine drove me to a fancy restaurant. As he always does, he opened every door for me and made sure I ordered first. He told me that I could pick whatever I wanted! I had chicken and shrimp and he had steak and chicken.

We talked the entire time. It was the best date!

I don't do everything right. I probably do more wrong than I do right. But, I've done something right with these boys. When I was asked to be their mama before we came here, I am positive that I didn't hesitate at all before I said yes.

Auntie Time

Auntie spent time with Asher on Monday night. Asher didn't want to go night night for Auntie! Instead, he wanted to look around and coo and let Auntie kiss his face over and over and over again.

I am in love with this baby boy! And, I'm pretty sure he loves his auntie, too!!

Nana's Having a Birthday

Nana is having a birthday tomorrow! She is going to be 61! How cute is that head of hair of hers?!?!

I knew that I had to get her a Vera Bradley bag. I love the one that B Beck gave me SO much that I haven't used anything else since I got it. Mama loved it and so I got her one that looks almost just like mine. When I showed it to her, she was SO excited. It made my whole week!

We had dinner, Jackson bought a cake, and we loved on her. She is perfection. Seriously. She is perfection!!

Happy birthday to this mama of mine and nana of my boys!!!!!

Big Girl Toys

Basically every single time one of my guys mentions a big project they need to do to P, I chime in and say, "I CAN DO THAT!!!!" And, basically every single time I do that, P shakes his head and says, "No. NO, you can't do that Ray." Then I basically get really sad.

Mr. Watkins was telling P that his crew would have the excavator at Mt. Lewis to get it ready to be graded. "I CAN DO THAT!" Finally. Finally, P said, "If you are good this week, we'll see." You guys, I was on my bestest behavior. Basically!! Guys, I was totally SO good!

So, on Friday P loaded me in the truck and off to Mt. Lewis we went. Mr. Watkins was right there, cheering me on because I basically acted like a four year old on my first Christmas morning! I only get to play in the big machines like once a year! This excavator was enormous. P got in and made me a pile of dirt. He runs that thing like it's nothing! Then, it was my turn. P walks away because he doesn't feel great about his decision to let me do this. Mr. Watkins climbs on for a minute until I feel comfortable. Then, Chris shouts from below what buttons to push and which way to move the joystick. And, this girl... this girls right here is basically in heaven... digging holes and making piles and just giggling the whole time.

When I got out, P reminded me that this was my once-a-year worth of fun. I was so stinking happy that I didn't even care!!!

Video Game-Making

Jackson, and some of his classmates, made a video game in their Digital Media class. The State asked them to participate in a contest with their video game. Jackson spent Wednesday at the DATC with his classmates and his game.

This kiddo is going places, I tell ya!!!!

Friday Favorites - Great Deals

Heaven knows that this girl does not like shopping AND Heaven also knows that I am only able to buy when there is a great deal. I really love boutique-type shops. I think that it's great when moms get together and create goodness, you know? I see cute stuff all of the time on Instagram and Facebook. But, a BOGO deal caught my eye on Instagram a couple of weeks ago. It included free shipping. Done and done. The catch was that you choose an item, and then they surprise you with a free item. This can be tricky. I've done this before and the free item has been crap. Like, a wristband or something that is completely pointless and that they are only sending to me because ain't nobody gonna buy it! But, I was SO pleasantly surprised! For $8, I got a skirt and the CUTEST free top! It is so fun and I was so happy!

The skirt:

I highly recommend this company. I got it quick. I had a couple of questions, and they were so speedy when answering them. They were patient and so great to work with!

https://www.pinkishtrends.com/collections/sale

Totally Worth It!

Yesterday, I hurried home. I had texted Carrie to let her know that I NEEDED to see my nephew. I haven't seen him for a week and a half. I have missed him so. Because of the short time-frame, I busted out the kettle bell and resistance bands and did my workout at home instead of jogging to the gym. It worked out just fine!

Look at that boy! Oh, Auntie loves him so much. We face-timed Uncle Logan and Uncle Skipper. Oh, how I love them too!!! Little Asher is growing out of his newborn diapers. He is so sweet. I burped him and then he pooped all over. I even like changing him! That little bum! We bonded for a while. He cooed and I just loved on him! Sweet, sweet baby!

Wacky Wednesday - Crazy Date Night!

Dear World-

I am relatively sure that my life is purely for the benefit of others. My life's chaos is comedy for those who need a good laugh, and I am so careful not to disappoint! For this reason, I am going to publicly share the craziest freaking date of all time... which just so happened to involve me (weird) and occurred on Friday night.

Get your popcorn. It's gonna be good.

First, he was an hour late. Whatever.

When I got into his truck, it was immediately obvious that he had a nervous tick. Now, this is not a laughing matter. I, of all people (with an autistic son) am completely aware of this. However, his tick was that every time he looked at me, he coughed and spit in my face. I tried so hard not to gag, or wipe his saliva off of my left cheek.

After he picked me up, he drove to a car wash. I asked him what he was doing. Mind you, it's like 7 pm. He said, "I've just been wanting to go to a car wash lately." The entire time the brushes are scrubbing his truck, I am being splattered with spit.

After the truck was clean (I guess... I couldn't really tell because it was dark), he drove to Farmington Station. He informed me that, "We need to eat healthy tonight." (He's lucky this was a first date because no one tells me that I need to eat healthy. I am sassy pants, remember?) He went to pull in to a parking spot in front of a certain restaurant and HIT A PARKED CAR. Like, hard. Like, the car moved. Like, it was damaged. What happened next is actually true -- he backed up and pulled away. I was silent (which is a miracle in and of itself). My eyes must have been as big as freaking New Hampshire. He then quietly parked in front of another restaurant... like it was nothing but a thing!

We walked in. I was silent. I could not believe what had just happened. It was a salad-order and walk down the line- type place. Remember, we had to eat healthy. Idiot. Anywho, I ordered a salad. He ordered a wrap. I was starving. STARVING. We sat down. He asked if he could have my salad. He ate the salad and his wrap. I drank water.

I asked him if he would take me home. He asked if he could finish eating. Whatever. Then, he took me back to my complex.

The end.

When I arrived back into the safety of my own home with my own kids' spit and breaking of things... I hollered, "Gather 'round, boys! Mama has a story for you!" And after relaying the joys of the night, we slept happily ever after.

Let's Be Honest

Somedays, this is quite honestly what saves me.

Our Weekend

It was a beautiful weekend in Layton, Utah. Sunday, after church, the three boys and I went to Adam's Canyon. Jackson fell out of a tree on Friday and was not able to walk right, let alone hike. So he stayed home. Braxton and Kaydon ran up and down hills and mountains. Colton and I just hiked along the trail. It was the perfect climate for hiking! Colton did really, really good. It wore him right out, too. It was just what he needed. It was what we all needed!

When we got home, I made dinner. Then Jackson decided he wanted to make cookies with me. While we made chocolate chip cookies, we face-timed with Kiki (Kyanna). Jackson and Kyanna have been close since 7th grade. I am pretty much positive they are going to get married. I absolutely adore that girl!

Still Choosing Joy - On Purpose

Wednesday night, I cried myself to sleep. It was for a few different reasons, but it happened and it was okay. Sweet Jackson, as he always does, came in to my dark room and sat on the floor until he could no longer hear me sniffling. He then kissed me on the forehead and left to go to his room. I am so, incredibly blessed to have my children. But, it breaks this mama heart that these sweet, innocent boys have felt the need to comfort their mama over and over and over again.

As he left, I told him that everything was going to be okay. I told him that I wanted him to pray. I told him that I don't know why these things happen to us, but that it's okay. My testimony doesn't change with our trials, you know? It doesn't. My choices tend to, though. I tend to choose to be further from my Heavenly Father after enormous trials, but in the end I know that I have to come back to Him to feel comfort and to feel joy. For me, it has to be an on-purpose choice. I have to decide that I am going to choose Him over what may seem like much more fun choices. It's always been this way for me and my hard head.

My trials remind me of this, which is probably why I continue to have such big ones.

On Monday, I was leaving the gym, contemplating the fact that I was pretty sure a certain "relationship" was coming to an end. I had those feelings of dread, sadness, heartache, already missing the person, etc. Then, OUT LOUD, I told myself, "There are so many alreadies." Huh? What the heck does that mean, Heidi Ray?

For me, it meant that I already have enough. I am already enough. I already have these four boys who are magical and amazing and so challenging. I already have four loving parents, siblings, and I am an auntie! I already have the Gospel. I already have the most incredibly generous, patient, funny, and thoughtful handful of friends one could ever ask for. I mean, seriously - I won the friend lottery! I already have health and strength. I already have a roof, food, and clothing. I already have a job. I already have the ability to find joy, and to choose it. There are already so many alreadies.

Thursday morning, I went to work and said, "P, it's time for another blessing!!" Think about that. I have the ability to walk in to my office and KNOW that my boss, who drives me so crazy sometimes that I want to scream, is always going to be worthy to administer the Priesthood to me. I have a boss who honors his Priesthood. Always. Already.

So, today I am choosing joy on purpose. Already.

Friday Favorites - SOCKS!

You know B Beck? Of course you do! She has eight children. One of them is Dakota (Bones). Dakota has his own business. He makes socks. And, they are super rad!

Dakota made my mama some socks when she was diagnosed with cancer. Dakota also made my boys and I Ogden Temple socks, and his mama sent the most amazing cards with them. Oh, we are blessed.

Kota can pretty much put anything on a pair of socks for you! He answered a girl to a dance with socks. SO cute!

You can email sluffinitsocks@gmail.com with orders or questions.

Rough Week

Without much understanding of why, Colton is really struggling as of late. He is having a very difficult time in school. He is yelling out, being disruptive and just leaving class. In fact, he's leaving the school on the wrestling bus and ending up at different schools around the valley. He is being disrespectful and is really struggling to keep focused.

I took him to his Autism check-up a couple of weeks ago. He has put on more weight, which is an issue when it comes to medication management. His doctor has changed one of the doses for him. However, until his body is used to it, it makes him very tired. Like, he sleeps most of the day. He was sick Monday and Tuesday and slept for the majority of those two days.

Last night, he was literally missing until 7:30. We had no clue where he was. He texted Jackson and said he was staying after school to do homework. Colton doesn't have homework. It's just been a really difficult situation for all of us.

Here's to hoping that we can help him find his center and find some consistency and "normal" again.

Those Girls

These little beauties came to see me again! I cannot get enough of them! They even sang, "Gethsemane" for me. They really are perfection. They might have eaten my chap stick. And the donuts and some candy.. but they love their Heidi!!

Auntie Time with Baby Asher

Friday night, the boys and I drove to Farmington to meet Baby Asher. I was beyond excited. When I first saw him in his crib, I started to cry. What a blessing he is for our entire family! Colton held him for a minute - like a quick minute. As soon as he started to squeal, Colton was out!

Earlier on the day Friday, Nana was able to go up and meet him. I was so thankful that she was able to do this because she started another round of chemo yesterday. She is the bestest Nana ever!

Saturday, Carried texted me and asked me if I would come stay the night Saturday night so they could get some sleep. UMMMMM, YES!!!! Asher slept like the biggest boy. I was so glad to bond with him a little through the night. Sweetest dang baby ever! Auntie loves you, Asher!

Our Trial and Triumph - A Week Full of Blessings

1. Visit from Miss T and those baby girls
2. The birth of my nephew
3. Lunch date with my E
4. Date night with Kaydon for a haircut and ice cream
5. The matchbox passed safety and emissions and is registered!
6. Those papers are in the courts - 90 day wait, then done
7. The sight of vacuumed carpet
8. Hot baths
9. Talking to Logan
10. I got my Mama her b-day present and I CAN'T wait to give it to her!

11. No Facebook ( I had no idea how much I needed a break from it! )
12. I was able to make my children homemade, hot dinners every night this week
13. New blow dryer
14. My trials, so I can help others with theirs
15. My guys at work - they changed my tail light with a big smile. They take such good care of me!
16. Sunshine the whole week!
17. Sherlene (Colton's doctor)
18. My ability to be a mother, an auntie, a daughter. I can't imagine not having the maternal instincts that I have been blessed with.
19. Oatmeal
20. Protein shakes