Decking the Tree

Yesterday, X-Man and I decorated the Christmas tree in the lobby.

It is a TALL tree. 

Like, really extra tall.

It took us a little over an hour-ish.

It's really beautiful.

We are quite delighted with the results.

I don't mind decorating for Christmas at all.

I just feel like I missed out on all of the fun last year.

It feels good to be involved with all of it this year!!

GO Red or GO Home!

So, I went RED.

Like, super RED.

Like, RED RED.

It's sassy and feisty and fun.

Just like this girl!!

Cruz or Clutch

Grateful.

Thankful.

As I drove home last night, I was reminded in my heart and in my mind that P had everything ready.

He had everything ready for his kids.

He had everything ready monetarily.

He had everything in order.

And, he had everything ready for my kids and I.

He knew that Mr. Watkins and the guys would take care of the boys and I.

He knew that he was leaving us in good hands.

Yesterday, Mr. Watkins told me we were going on a field trip.

Braxton was at my office to get me.

So, B-money and I loaded in Mr. Watkins truck.

He talked to me for a minute about cars.

He told me he had a friend who sold cars.

Next thing I know, we are at a dealership with the nicest guy.

Clearly, Mr. Watkins had talked to this guy prior to us arriving.

Needless to say, we left with a four-door car.

Jackson was trying to name it last night. Either Cruz or Clutch.

Suddenly, Jackson wants to learn to drive a stick shift.

I've been trying to get him to learn for three years! Now he leaves in three weeks and wants to learn!

I am so grateful.

And, so grateful for all of those who thought of us and were willing to help.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And, P... we are doing okay. Everything is going to be fine.

Thanks for staying close to me yesterday.

I Call Time-Out

Jackson leaves two weeks from today.

He is ready. 

Typhoid immunizations done.

Eye doctor is happening today.

Boxes are packed to go to Nana's house while he is gone so that Colton can move upstairs.

Two weeks and he's flying out to Mexico City for six weeks, then to Chile.

In other news, the car is dead.

Like, the guys think the engine is gone.

That leaves us with one vehicle: a 1992 Toyota pick-up truck that is barely running with 250,000 miles on it.  

Four of us work.

None within walking distance.

Three of us go to school.

Two seater.

Last night, we knelt in prayer.

To say that I feel overwhelmed is an understatement.

But, that is actually all we know --- feeling overwhelmed.

We are pretty good at this trial thing, except that we don't feel like we are pretty good at it. 

We feel like we are ready for a dang time-out.

If you have some extra prayers, we could use them. 

Please.

Thanksgiving 2018

Our Thanksgiving started early.

I got the turkey in the roaster and the rolls rising.

The boys went and played in the Turkey Bowl.

I had ONE request.

ONE request, Friends.

NO INJURIES.

Rest assured, Jackson hasn't been able to walk since Thursday!

Shocking.

Appetizers were set out at noon.

I was watching a Lockdown marathon on Netflix.

No judging.

Dinner was served at 4.

I nailed it, People.

Like, nailed IT!

The rolls were on point.

The turkey was amazing.

The mashed potatoes could have been more seasoned, but whatever!

I was dang proud of myself.

Don't mind their just-woke-up-from-naps-after-turkeybowl-faces...

They were hungry and happy.

I asked each of them to name two things they were thankful for at that very moment...

"Stuffing." "Butter." "Rolls." "Jesus." (at least one got one Jesus in there)

"Mom." "Ibuprofen." You get the idea...

Dessert was cherry cream pie and our four layer dessert, which is actually only three layers, but who cares!

Two weeks until my Jackson is moving on to a new classroom in life.

I am trying to soak up every single second!!!

A Little Extra Thankful

This year, I am a little extra thankful.

Thankful that I am no longer in a wheelchair.

Thankful that my L.A. (left arm) is working and typing this post.

Thankful that I can pull my own hair back into a ponytail.

Thankful that I can get myself dressed.

Thankful that I am not in the hospital, looking at the world through a window.

Thankful that I am home. With my children.

Thankful for this team of five.

Thankful, and honored, to be their mama.

Thankful for their strength and courage and resilience and hard work.

Thankful for their devotion to their mama.

Thankful for their testimonies.

Thankful for the way they always surround me with love, just as they are in this picture.

Thankful that I can hold these babies.

Thankful that I am strong enough to watch them.

Thankful for their snuggles and kisses and giggles.

Thankful that I can pull them around the kitchen floor on a blanket.

Thankful that I can change their poopy diapers.

Thankful that I can feed them and wipe their tears.

Thankful to be their auntie.

Thankful to be a missionary mama.

20 days until this bubba of mine takes off on his new journey, his new classroom in life.

Thankful for his Priesthood.

Thankful for his worthiness.

Thankful for his example.

Thankful for his part and his role in our team of five.

Thankful that God entrusted him with me.

I am thankful for my role as a mother.

I am thankful for my role as an auntie.

I am thankful for my role on this Earth.

I am thankful that classrooms are repeatable.

I am thankful for my knowledge that God is real. I am thankful for my knowledge that His Son, Jesus Christ is my advocate, my Savior.

I am thankful for prayer. For peace. For comfort. For eyes to see and ears to hear.

I am thankful for my community, my village - which includes every single one of you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Braxton Shoots the Cannon

Braxton spent Saturday with Papa.

They went to the BYU volleyball game, BYU basketball game and then the BYU football game.

Braxton was able to shoot off the cannon after the first extra point of the game.

I wish I would have saved the video because it was pretty awesome-sauce!

Look at this boy's smile!

He was able to hang with Tanner Mangum and Mr. Kaufusi. (good thing the Jets had a bye this week)

I am always grateful when my babies get to have experiences like this.

I have always wished that I could provide for them all of the experiences that I would want for them to have. I simply can't. But Heavenly Father has not let them, or I, down.

The Holiday Family Struggle

I know that I am not alone in these thoughts, but Heaven knows I am going to talk about them because I'm me and my filter is still being worked on... 

When I started working at Kohl's however many years ago that was, I did Thanksgiving dinner at my house with my kids and that was that.

It was so nice.

I cooked what we wanted to eat.

The kids went and played in turkey bowls, slept, played games... whatever.

It was chill.

It was relaxing.

There was NO schedule.

I do NOT like to have people schedule my time or my kids time. 

That makes me feel very out of control of my own life and my own choices and I hate it.

Like, my anxiety is high right now.

My issue is probably slightly different, in that I am not married so I don't need to trek my children and I here and there and here and there and back to here then to there.

But, my parents are divorced.

Whether they admit it or not, they'd really like to see all of their children on the holidays.

This year, I was told that we are going to Salem for Thanksgiving.

Salem.

Salem, Utah.

To my Pops' parents' house.

In Salem, Utah.

I was told Pops had a hike planned for the children.

I was told that we have to be at Mom's by a certain time in order to be in Salem by a certain time in order to eat by a certain time.

And... stroke.

Seriously.

I talked to my boys about this a couple of nights ago.

Jackson has to work at 5:30 am on Black Friday.

I asked them how they felt about just doing our own thing at home with no schedule instead of going to Salem.

They poo-pooed that idea.

So, next week we are going to Salem... meeting every deadline... I will be faking it til I make it. I will be smiling when I feel like my anxiety is going to boil over and I'm going to be sick. Then I will end up sleeping the rest of my holiday weekend because I'm so damn stressed out about the whole thing.

But, my boys will be happy.

Mom, I love you. 

Don't take this personal!

It's just me and my own feelings and thoughts.

I am beginning to prepare myself for it now because it really is a nightmare.

On a happier note,

Happy Freaking Weekend!

This Young Man of Mine

Jackson sent me this picture yesterday.

If you click on it, he's sobbing.

He told me that he was watching his training videos and crying. A lot.

People!

I cannot explain to you in words adequately how many mixed emotions I have.

I am beyond proud of him for the choice he has made in his life.

I am beyond honored to be his mama.

I am beyond honored to be the mama of his brothers as well.

I am beyond sad to be "losing" him for two years.

That word is not being used with any disrespect toward parents who have lost their children on this Earth. 

It is simply the only word that comes to mind.

This is where our jobs as parents changes so much.

These are the days that I sort of watch him go and be a man and be a good, no great, human being on the planet.

I am going to miss him more than my words can express.

But, I know. I KNOW that he is going where he is supposed to be.

I Scream, You Scream...

Seriously, though.

Jackson and I went to a team holiday dinner with some of the girls that I love.

We went to the Cheesecake Factory.

What did I get for dessert?
DUH! 

Seriously, duh People.

I got freaking ice cream!!!

This was no small portion, I tell you.

Do you love Jackson's reaction?
Nothing.

He doesn't even blink an eye anymore.

He knows full well his mama is going to eat all of it and enjoy it until my tummy hurts for the rest of the weekend.

Which it did.

I would, in fact, like to give you a run-down of my eating since Friday.

Friday: a 24 ounce steak. I hate the whole dang thing, too.

That night with D - Mongolian Grill.

Mmmmm hmmmmm.

Saturday: Cheesecake Factory - Avocado eggrolls, salmon, and 5 pounds of ice cream.

Sunday: Chicken, pasta salad, cookies. (Plural on the cookies)

Monday: More ice cream because I had a bad day when I forgot to send my kids to school, which is merely an excuse. I just wanted ice cream.

Tuesday: Back on track, People. Back on the dang track.

Be Still, My Heart

Our Sweet Pam was able to get us a few pictures from our family photo shoot session.

Be still, my heart.

These boys, though.

Oh, these boys.

I can't wait to see the rest.

But for now, I'm designing a mission farewell post card for this young man.

Be still, my heart.

Less than 30 days...

On Sunday, Je'Mari came running into church.

His tie was in his pocket.

He snuck over to Braxton and this happened.

Be still, my heart.

I love being a mama of boys.

I  love their hearts.

On Saturday, while Uncle Brandon and Aunt Carrie took Jackson shopping, I loved on these two mugs.

Be still, my heart.

They weren't feeling good.

Auntie wasn't feeling good.

But we ate. We cuddled. We watched movies. We took naps.

These two bring so much stinking joy!

And yesterday.

Yesterday, my kids ended up ditching school because I was positive they didn't have school.

Whatever.

But this boy and I went shopping.

I pretty much tagged along.

I am soaking up every single second I can with this one.

Be still, my heart.

Uh Oh! She's On One Again!!

I figure if I put it in the title, then you have all been warned!

Right?

I have some things to say. 

And this is my journal.

So, I'll say what I want.

First of all, my kids rock.

Kaydon passed his driving test yesterday.

This is proof that miracles still exist in modern day.

Kaydon starts at Cold Stone tomorrow.

Keep it in the family, Yo!

Jackson is shopping tomorrow with Uncle Brandon and Aunt Carrie for the rest of his mission stuff.

He is having his farewell on December 9th at 1 pm.

Braxton is making some changes to his school schedule.

We are hoping this will help.

Colton had an emotional morning.

When we dropped him off, there were a lot of cars.

He got out of the car and just kind of stood there.

Once we got to the freeway, he texted me and asked if someone could go and pretend to be his dad for "Dad and Donuts."

To say my heart broke would be a drastic understatement.

My heart shattered.

I told him that we will look forward to "Mom and Donuts."

And you better believe I'll be there for the whole damn thing.

Okay, now to my thoughts that go beyond my sweet, amazing rock star children...

Oh, how do I begin?

Like this, I suppose.

For me, a relationship is a commitment. It is loyalty. It is integrity. It is respect. It is being all-in.

Regardless of what type of relationship it is.

Okay, I feel quite a bit better and that wasn't even bad!

The end.

Have a perfect weekend!

A Harvest Dance

Kaydon went to his first high school dance.

It was the Harvest Dance at Layton High School. 

It was girls choice.

McKenna asked him to the dance.

He got to know McKenna on Trek.

She is the daughter of one of the members of the Stake Presidency.

It was an 80's rock music theme.

How cute is this boy????

I can't imagine our lives or our family without him...

Another tender mercy!